Back on Track

Today, I got the most inspiring message from the heavens:

 

 I can honestly apply this to almost every aspect of my life right now. Oh, God. You and Your perfect timing, using Facebook to reach out to Your people. If you can't beam 'em, join 'em, eh?

So, instead of writing about this week's Insanity workout - which is far from boring in real life but yawn-worthy when talked about - I've decided to list down a number of "routines" I have since started. Also, snaps for my pseudo-sister Pixie and little sister Maia for joining me this week! Pat yourselves on the back (if you still can), girls. 

ROUTINE # 1: WORKING OUT ON A DAILY BASIS

First on the list: Fitness! This used to be a habit of mine back in High School. I was either swimming, playing volleyball, or running everyday after class. I began to lose touch with my healthy side when I was introduced to many sleepless nights (either studying or out drinking) in college. Though I was part of the UP Varsity Swim Team, I didn't train as often. Eventually, I stopped working out regularly altogether and focused more on getting my degree. However, I did manage to sneak in a run around our academic oval a few nights a week. I even started this blog back to help me get back on track, to no avail.

Sooo, I've decided to put my I'm-too-lazy attitude aside and get serious. My 30-60 minute/day workout plan seems to be going pretty well; I really do hope this keeps up. Also, I'm finally starting to regularly update this blog; we'll see how far this goes. Aaaand nope, still haven't weighed myself (lol) but I'm giving myself a week to mentally prepare before I get on that scale. I will in a week, I promise!

ROUTINE # 2: FINALLY FORGIVING
Honestly, I'm not really the forgiving type. I mean, I do forgive, but I tend to hold grudges like teenagers holding on to their smart phones: I have a hard time letting go. Okay so that didn't sound too good but you get the point.

I guess it's because I've forgiven too many people in the past, people who eventually take me for granted since I'm "too nice." I acknowledge that it's my fault, too, as I'd rather avoid conflict and I just tend to let things pass. I've started to change the past few years and I guess people aren't that used to me fighting back. A lot of my close relationships have fallen apart and it sucks, really. You're suddenly the bad guy just because you've started standing up for yourself, trying to make them realize that you're worth more than how they treat you.

But, I've also learned that you can't change how people are. If they're innately indifferent, what can you do? It's either you suck it up for the sake of saving the relationship, or just let it go. Forgive them for whatever wrong they've done you and never look back. Sure, you can still keep a good relationship, but make sure you keep your distance just so you can show them that you're not someone they can just throw around and use when convenient.

Truly forgiving is really hard to do, I've realized. It's one thing to go, "It's no problem at all, forget about it" and another to really mean it. It's a process I'm still trying to get the hang of, really. Though I've made it a point to practice forgiveness everyday, not only with other people but also with myself.

ROUTINE # 3: BELIEVING IN MYSELF
I have this very bad habit of always putting myself down, from judging my choice of outfits to doubting my intelligence in med school. I bet I'm not the only one; I'm sure everyone has their own insecurities. However, I've realized that not believing in myself may affect me on a professional level, since being a doctor does require a significant amount of confidence. The daily workouts are helping boost my ego, so that's a good start. This blog is good practice, too! I'm sure I get critics, especially on how I write and basically why I'm blogging in general, but I try not to think about it. Also, my fiancé tells me he loves me everyday so that helps a lot, too. Hahaha! Kidding aside, it's a process, and I'm really, really working on it. :)

And there you have it! All these self-realizations from one pop-up app that sends the most random, albeit timely messages.

Have a good night, folks!

New Beginnings

Out of all the inconsistencies in my life, my fitness routine probably tops the list given how long I've had this blog and how rarely I update. I've been setting my weight loss goal aside for as long as I can remember, using med school (we've been assigned to a relatively far barangay for Community Medicine for six weeks) new business ventures (product placement: we sell PICOLE healthy ice pops! Contact me for details hihi), and life in general as excuses.

The last time I felt good about my weight and figure was a good ten years - and roughly twenty pounds - ago, and I can honestly say I've yet to regain the confidence I had back then. I used to have a really flat stomach and toned arms during my swimming and volleyball days in high school and my first few years in college. Now all I (still) have is a flat chest. :(

So, I've taken it upon myself to finally, finally, FINALLY get my shit together and start a workout plan I can commit to. The goal is to get a good 30 to 45 minutes of exercise at least four to five times a week. Lately, I've been doing Insanity (currently on my 20th day, woohoo!) during the days I'm home, and skip roping during the days I'm in the community.

I've also been trying to get over my fear of weighing scales because, duh, you can't set a weight loss goal for yourself if you don't know how much you currently weigh. I haven't gotten around to weighing myself yet; I'm kinda waiting to get visual results first before I make my first attempt. I know it sounds stupid, buuuut I'm working on it!

I've also been thinking about training for a triathlon (kasi naman nainggit ako sa mga kaibigan kong pumapower athlete. Hi nga pala, Aissa hahahaha) but who am I kidding. I neither have the time nor the discipline at the moment. It's in my list for after I graduate though, for sure!

Ayun lang, nothing really interesting, just me pushing myself to start working out (and writing) and sharing it with whoever is interested! Let's start living healthy, friends! It's true what they say: losing weight becomes harder as you grow older. I took this for granted kaya START EARLY, GUYS. Don't make the same mistake I made!

That is all! 'til next tiiiiiime :D

Again and again

The activity of this blog is a perfect representation of who I really am in real life: a scatter-brained baby who almost never follows through with anything. I feel that possibly the only thing keeping me from quitting med school is the fact that I've spent way too much of my parents' money to stop at this point. :))

I've been itching to write again and I finally have the time to do so! Also, med school hasn't been too harsh on us lately so I've been working out more, which is always a good thing.

This post won't be about my latest fitness routine, though. I really just need to vent. As if anyone reads this anyways! Lol

So my life has been a pretty bumpy road as of late. I've lost too many people to count the past years and it's been very painful. I've spent way too much time and energy crying, trying to figure out if the reason people leave is because the problem is me. I find myself to be pretty decent; I'm a good friend, an okay daughter, a caring (maybe a little too harsh sometimes) sister. Yet I still can't figure out why people see otherwise. No matter how many times people try to convince me that I'm better off, I know deep inside I'm really not.

It's an everyday struggle, reconciling with this truth: that things will never be the same. This has been eating me up, piece by piece, every single day. I honestly don't know how to just 'let it go.' I'm still my usually unusual self; most people don't know what I'm going through. Though at this point, I feel I'm too careful with everyone in my life, even with family. I've already built this wall around me to avoid being too attached, should people decide to leave again. It's a bad way to handle things, but I guess it'll have to do for now.