Again and again

The activity of this blog is a perfect representation of who I really am in real life: a scatter-brained baby who almost never follows through with anything. I feel that possibly the only thing keeping me from quitting med school is the fact that I've spent way too much of my parents' money to stop at this point. :))

I've been itching to write again and I finally have the time to do so! Also, med school hasn't been too harsh on us lately so I've been working out more, which is always a good thing.

This post won't be about my latest fitness routine, though. I really just need to vent. As if anyone reads this anyways! Lol

So my life has been a pretty bumpy road as of late. I've lost too many people to count the past years and it's been very painful. I've spent way too much time and energy crying, trying to figure out if the reason people leave is because the problem is me. I find myself to be pretty decent; I'm a good friend, an okay daughter, a caring (maybe a little too harsh sometimes) sister. Yet I still can't figure out why people see otherwise. No matter how many times people try to convince me that I'm better off, I know deep inside I'm really not.

It's an everyday struggle, reconciling with this truth: that things will never be the same. This has been eating me up, piece by piece, every single day. I honestly don't know how to just 'let it go.' I'm still my usually unusual self; most people don't know what I'm going through. Though at this point, I feel I'm too careful with everyone in my life, even with family. I've already built this wall around me to avoid being too attached, should people decide to leave again. It's a bad way to handle things, but I guess it'll have to do for now.